Liberal Lifestyle Too Risky For Obama Care
Monday August 3rd, 2009
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The fierce debate over President Obama’s Government Ruled Heath Care Plan is still going strong. Mr. Obama says that it is not Socialized Medicine and the private sector Dr.’s offices and clinics will continue to be there to serve those of us who are happy with our current personal physicians. “Nothing will change,” he says. On the other side of the argument, the people who are not lying say that it is Government-controlled and will give the State the power to rule our day to day personal behavior. Regardless of whom you choose to believe, the fact is that if any part of this passes into law, the government will be involved in the most important and crucial part of our lives and that is our health. If the State is going to have to pay our medical bills, then the State is going to make us do or stop doing things that they believe will increase our chances of needing expensive medical care. Most Conservatives get this, but our friends on the left are still not understanding, so I’ve put together a list to which I believe they can relate.
15 Activities White Liberals Will Have To Stop Doing Under Obama Care
1. Putting bumper stickers on your car - You will no longer be allowed to use your raggedy banged up hoopty as a mobile graffiti wall. “Ride A Bike Save A Planet”, “Globalize Love Not War”, “Coexist”, all of your silly little adhesive socialist platforms will be considered a distraction to other drivers. You are clearly putting yourself at risk of being hit by another car as they try to get closer to you in order to read your “messages that make you matter”. Following at a close distance increases your chance of getting rammed from the rear. The danger level goes up 100% if the car behind you is a Conservative owned automobile because of the blinding laughter the driver will be experiencing. His vision will be blurred and you are directly in harm’s way.
2. Smoking marijuana or burning incense to cover it up – This one is pretty self explanatory. Both of these recreational activities require the use of fire and when you are so relaxed from “Blazin’ a Bowl” and the burning incense catches your filthy rent-past-due penthouse on fire, you may sustain major injuries that would require you to be admitted to a government-funded burn unit and therefore costing Dr. Obama money that he doesn’t think you are worth.
3. Going to Farmers’ Markets or Sidewalk Produce Stands – You are probably wondering how this could put your health at risk, because fresh fruits and vegetables are good for you, right? Not so fast Mr. or Ms. Throw Caution To The Wind On Someone Else’s Dime. While Dr./Mechanical Engineer Obama is forcing all of us to drive little tiny highway go carts, an elderly driver can still mistake the gas for the brake in one of these Smart Cars and plow you down at the moment you are caressing a cucumber. How much will a few weeks in a body cast cost the state?
4. Complaining – The whining way of life to which you are accustomed will surely have to cease. I shudder to even think of the medical price tag that this activity could bring to Dear Leader Obama’s desk. As everyone knows, being a Liberal means “Never having to say you're happy”, and when any human refuses to allow himself to be jovial or pleasant, stress takes over him. Stress is a ticking time bomb in the body. It leads to heart problems, high blood pressure, obesity and more. There is absolutely, positively no way that Dear Leader Obama can allow you to continue down this road of self destruction.
5. Using hypnotism to heal your pain or ailments – Again, the untrained mind would think that this one doesn’t make sense at all, but it does. Most would say, “This is not costing the state any money because I’m not exacting anything from the State Medical Care”, but that is exactly why Obama would raise his red flag (pun deliciously intended). You see, even though you are finding alternative medicine to treat yourself without using Obama’s money, you are committing the number one “State Sin” and that is…Doing something on your own without Comrade Obama granting you the privilege. Duh!
6. Being a vegetarian – If we don’t get sufficient amounts of protein, our muscles wither away and we become sick and weak. I know the age old argument is that vegetarians get protein from other sources than meat, but how can Specialist Obama keep an eye on them to make sure they are following the right protein supplement plan? He can’t, so grab a knife and start filling your colon with cow.
7. Sending your kids to school – It is far too dangerous to be on the road in morning traffic whether it’s in a Smart Car or a Smart School Bus. Life Coach Obama cannot take the chance on your getting into an accident in the carpool lane at your junior ward of the state’s school or daycare. Nope, the only alternative for you is…Home School. This way, His Majesty Obama can ensure that your child stays safe from dangerous traffic, dangerous playgrounds, dodge ball, monkey bars, and bullies cutting the chance of costly medical visits down tremendously.
8. Patronizing and pandering to minorities by telling them how they should “feel” and “react” to the racist white culture in which we live. - Every day more and more minorities are recognizing this behavior for what it truly is, which is an attempt by the white liberal to prove to everyone, but mostly to himself, that he is not a racist and as such he should be granted the highest moral authority. People are starting to see that this behavior is the true racism in our society which will of course increase the chance of getting you’re A@$ whupped and having to seek costly medical assistance.
9. Riding goofy little motorized scooters – Are you kidding me? Don’t even think about it!
10. Protesting for your Socialist Causes - King Obama the 1st cannot allow you to march in the heat yelling at the top of your lungs. Think of the heat exhaustion and strained vocal chords. Just imagine the burns you could sustain from lying naked on the baking blacktop. Ponder the possibility of your eye being taken out by one of your fellow lunatic’s protest signs. My goodness, President HugObama shudders to think what a burden you would become to him if that were to happen. I’m afraid he’s going to have to say, “No.”
11. Soccer – This encompasses so many potential medical cost nightmares. We’ve already discussed a lot of them, but let’s cover them again. Health risks that come with soccer are on the field injuries, heat exhaustion, strained vocal chords for the players and the parents, travel risks, fights on the field and in the stands, dehydration, circulation problems from the long extra tight socks, and far too many others to mention. The biggest risk that soccer poses to your health is the fact that President Obama doesn’t like it very much. He likes basketball and I suspect if he continues to snatch more and more control over our private lives like he has so far in his young Presidency, he will outlaw all sports except basketball and anyone caught playing anything else, will have to face his violent angry henchmen known as ACORN!
12. Hiking and hugging trees- President CastrObama is not going to take the chance on your getting bitten by a snake, or a tree falling on top of you, or a deadly insect biting you. He cares too much about you to let you put yourself in so much danger. Become one with nature in the comfort of your own eco-friendly living room by watching the Government Nature Channel on State-controlled satellite TV.
13. Going to Coldplay Concerts – The crowds, the traffic, the loud screeches coming from the speakers that could cause hearing problems, all these things could increase your chances of becoming a burden on Obama’s medical bills. Besides, you really don’t want to have hearing problems, because that would give you something in common with that evil Rush Limbaugh and no irrational Liberal would want that.
14. Play Dates – The idea of two kids getting together for a set time of risky childhood activities is just ludicrous. What if a toy gets thrown across the room and hits a kid in the head? Who do you think is going to foot the bill for having him checked out? Who’s going to pay for the x-rays and cast and follow up visits when a kid falls from a tree or off his bike and breaks his arm? Not you. Who do you think will pay for strep tests and antibiotics when you’ve had a contagious kid at your house for 2 whole hours? You should really stop and think about others before you continue willy-nilly with your selfish behavior.
15. Going to dog parks - Do you have to even ask? Dog parks are full of what? That’s right…dogs. Dogs that could snap at any moment turn vicious and attack. Bandages, rabies shots, pain medicine….money, money, money. All out of Obama’s pocket. It was a nice try, but no.
So you see my leftist friends? Whether it’s telling you that you can’t drink your fancy micro-brewed beers or telling us that we can’t lawfully own a firearm, Government has no place in the free lives of it’s hard-working and law-abiding Citizens.
You’re welcome,
TJ
The Only Conservative Man In America Who’s Never Played Golf
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