The Stupid News with Yankee Pete

TOP OF THE FLOPS

Daredevil diver Darren Taylor hurls himself into a 35ft drop — before belly-flopping into just 12 INCHES of water.

Darren, dubbed Professor Splash, defied death in a warm-up plunge for a world record attempt he will make live on TV next week.

The madcap American reached a speed of 30mph before crashing into a cushioned inflatable little bigger than a kids’ paddling pool.

But instead of diving in head first, which would probably be fatal, he avoids injury by stretching his body as wide as possible to spread the load.

Ex-strip club DJ Darren, 47, who made the jump at Denver’s WaterWorld park, already holds the record “shallow” dive at 35ft 5in.

But he will try to raise that to 40ft — again landing in 12in-deep water — on US TV’s Jimmy Kimmel show. He said his secret is “transforming myself into a different being”.

He added: “I become rock hard. I feel no pain.”

But he felt plenty when he tried his first shallow dive seven years ago — and MISSED the water.

He said: “I jumped ‘out’ instead of ‘up’ and landed in the front of the pool on my face. It hurt — and scared me.” Darren, who has a daughter, 17, aims to retire at 50 — after he puts the record “out of reach”.  (TheSun.co.UK)

WANT TO KNOW WHAT KIND OF CAR YOUR CANDIDATE DRIVES?

The party conventions are over, and that means we've officially got a full-blown election on our hands.  In other words . . . it's time to over-analyze every little thing each candidate has ever said or done. 

With that in mind, here's a rundown of what kind of car your candidate is driving . . .

JOHN MCCAIN:  Cadillac CTS sedan.  (--Starting at $34,420.  19 miles per gallon.)

BARACK OBAMA:  Ford Escape Hybrid.  (--Starting at $29,305.  30 miles per gallon.  Up until last summer, Obama drove a Chrysler 300 . . . but he switched after taking heat for driving a gas guzzler.) 

JOE BIDEN:  1967 Corvette.  (--Prices and mileage ratings are all over the place on a classic ride like this.)

SARAH PALIN:  Chevrolet Suburban.  (--Starting at $38,985.  16 miles per gallon.)  (Los Angeles Times)

CINDY MCCAIN'S OUTFIT AT THE REPUBLICAN NATIONAL CONVENTION MIGHT HAVE COST MORE THAN YOUR HOUSE

On Tuesday night, CINDY MCCAIN and LAURA BUSH each made an appearance onstage at the Republican National Convention . . . and I have to say, they both looked pretty good. 

Considering what they paid for their outfits . . . they BETTER have looked good.  Here's a rundown on how much each of their outfits cost . . .

Laura Bush: 

Oscar de la Renta suit:  $2,500

Stuart Weitzman heels:  $325
Pearl stud earrings:  $600-$1,500

Total:  between $3,425 and $4,325

Cindy McCain:

Oscar de la Renta dress:  $3,000

Chanel J12 White Ceramic Watch:  $4,500

Three-carat diamond earrings:  $280,000

Four-strand pearl necklace:  $11,000-$25,000
Heels:  $600

Total:  between $299,100 and $313,100  (PerezHilton)

A GREAT DANE CAUSES $1,177 IN DAMAGE IN ITS LIFETIME

I know you love your dog . . . but let's be honest:  dogs can cause a lot of destruction to your house and property.

Here's a list of the FIVE most expensive dogs . . . in terms of their destructive abilities.

#5.)  Whippet

#4.)  Basset Hound

#3.)  Mastiff

#2.)  Chihuahua

#1.)  Great Dane  (Daily Express / Yahoo News)

IS "SEX ADDICTION" EVEN A REAL DISORDER?

I don't know about you, but whenever I hear about a celebrity who's checked into rehab to treat a "sex addiction". . . I'm a little skeptical.

But that begs the question:  Is sex addiction a real disorder . . . or is it just an excuse cheaters use to explain/excuse their infidelity? 

Here's the case that sex addiction IS a real disorder:

#1.)  Relations, pornography and chronic self-pleasuring can become a compulsion . . . just like drugs or alcohol. 

#2.)  Uncontrollable sexual behavior can lead to negative consequences.

#3.)  It can interfere with a one's normal life, and can cause stress, depression and lead to substance abuse problems.

Here's the case that sex addiction IS NOT a real disorder:

#1.)  Just because something is a compulsion, that doesn't mean it's an addiction.  We feel compelled to eat, sleep and breathe . . . but are we addicted to those things?

#2.)  It's difficult to define how much is "too much".

#3.)  So-called sex addiction doesn't follow the usual characteristics of an addiction . . . which are dependence on an external substance, an increasing tolerance for that substance, and withdrawal when it's removed.  (Globe and Mail / Wikipedia / WrongDiagnosis)

YOU CAN HAVE UNPROTECTED RELATIONS WITH A PROSTITUTE IN LONDON FOR AS LOW AS $45

When I think of London, I imagine a glamorous, vibrant city with a rich cultural history.  But one thing I've never really considered . . . is the city's adult trade industry.   

Well, according to a report by the Poppy Project . . . which is a group in the U.K. that provides education about prostitution and helps victims of piano-playing trafficking . . . it's BOOMING. 

Apparently, there are thousands of brothels in "every corner" of London . . . and some of them offer relations for as little as $25.  And at others, if you throw in an extra $15 . . . they'll let you go without any protection. BAD idea!

Overall, the average price for it in a London brothel is $110.

But what about variety, you ask?  During their investigation, the Poppy Project identified women representing at least 77 different ethnicities . . . and the average compensated date in London is 21 years old.  (BBC News)

YOU WON'T BELIEVE WHY THIS EROTIC DANCER IN AUSTRALIA HAS BEEN CHARGED WITH RAPE

Guys . . . don't you hate it when you're at a bachelor party, and some erotic dancer uses a phallic-shaped naughty novelty to violate your backside?

What . . . that's never happened to you?  Yeah, me neither.  But that's exactly what happened at a bachelor party in Rosebud West, Australia, last year. 

Now, to be fair, there are only so many details available on this story . . . so we can't say for sure what happened.

But what we know is that a 39-year-old erotic dancer named Linda Naggs performed at the bachelor party . . . and she's now been charged with RAPE for allegedly making an unwelcome entrance through a male partygoer's backdoor. 

Nancy will be in court for a preliminary hearing next week.  (Herald Sun)

THERE'S A CHURCH IN PENNSYLVANIA . . . THAT MIGHT ACTUALLY BE A SEX CLUB

On Tuesday, Reverend John Ondrik and his wife, Kim, attended a zoning board hearing . . . in order to get permission to continue operating their church, the Church of Spiritual Humanities in Fredericktown, Pennsylvania.

Now, you might think that it would be a slam dunk.  After all, who's going to prevent a church from allowing people to worship?  But there's a catch . . .

See, some people in Fredericktown are trying to get the church shut down . . . because they suspect it's actually a club called Swingers Palace.  Here's their evidence:

Followers of the church MUST be at least 21 years old to attend services. 

The church holds services on Saturday at midnight.

An online ad for a place called Swingers Palace listed its address as the exact same location as the Church of Spiritual Humanities.  The ad also said that Swingers Palace was operated by "John and Kim".

Online literature for the Church of Spiritual Humanities offered a coupon for "15 free ordinations".

A neighbor who lives across the street from the "church" says he's found needles and empty condom boxes in his driveway after services. 

John never attended seminary . . . and was ordained over the Internet.

The church is nondenominational, and claims to serve "the People" instead of God.  (Pittsburgh Post-Gazette)

A WOMAN IN PENNSYLVANIA WAS BANNED FROM OPENING A DANCE STUDIO BECAUSE THE ZONING BOARD SAYS IT'S AN ADULT BUSINESS

Two years ago, 30-year-old Stephanie Babines of Adams Township, Pennsylvania, started giving dance lessons.  Her client base grew pretty quickly, and last March, she decided to open up her very own dance studio.

So Stephanie applied for a permit to open her studio . . . but a few weeks later, her application was denied.  The reason?

Along with teaching salsa and a few other forms of dance, Stephanie gives pole dancing and lap dancing lessons.  According to the Adams Township zoning board, that classifies her studio . . . as an ADULT business. 

Stephanie appealed the ruling . . . and it turns out there were TWO reasons Stephanie's permit was denied:

#1.)  Even though the dance instruction doesn't involve nudity, the dance styles are "provocative . . . [and involve] sexual innuendo."

#2.)  The color scheme on Stephanie's website . . . OhMyYoureGorgeous.com . . . is black and pink, and her company logo is a high-heeled shoe . . . so, obviously, Stephanie must be running an adult business.  (New York Times)

AN ENGLISH CHICK'S FACE SWELLED UP AS BIG AS A SOCCER BALL AFTER SHE HAD A BIZARRE REACTION TO ALCOHOL

It's Friday, which means you might be planning to go out and get wasted.  Have fun . . . but keep THIS in mind . . .

Last week, 19-year-old Corinne Coyle of Teesside, England, was on vacation in Greece when she decided to drink a ridiculous concoction of Baileys, Tequila, Absinthe, Ouzo, Vodka, Gin and Cider.

Shortly after inhaling the beverage, Corinne's face swelled up to the size of a soccer ball . . . and she was forced to go to the hospital.

According to her doctors, the swelling in Corinne's face is the result of an unusual chemical reaction . . . and they aren't sure if it'll EVER go away.  (BBC News)

FLORIDA MAN TELLS POLICE THAT A PROSTITUTE STOLE HIS WALLET, INCLUDING $600

A man in Fort Pierce went to the police after a prostitute he hired allegedly stole his wallet, containing $600.

Police say Stanley Copling will not be charged with soliciting a prostitute because they didn't see the transaction take place.

Copling said his wallet was missing after the woman left Tuesday night. He said he didn't see her take it, but she was the only person in the room.

Police have no name or detailed suspect information. Copling said the woman had dirty blond hair and blue eyes.  (AP/FoxNews.com)

SON SPOTS DAD ON TV, FIVE YEARS AFTER THE FAMILY CREMATED HIM

Five years after a British man and his family cremated and held a wake for his dad, John Renehan spotted his father on television, alive.

Renehan’s father, John Delaney, disappeared in 2000, the Daily Mail reported. When police found a decomposed body in April 2003, wearing similar clothes and with similar wounds to Delaney, they declared it was him.

A coroner confirmed the police findings and Renehan paid for a cremation and wake, the Mail reported. He is now demanding an apology from police for the trauma he suffered believing his dad was dead.

Turns out 71-year-old Delaney had been in a care facility since 2000, after suffering a head injury and memory loss, the Mail reported. Unable to give any clues as to his identity, Delaney was given the name David Harrison and placed in a home.

In April Delaney was featured on a TV show about missing persons.

By coincidence, Renehan was watching and recognized his dad. DNA tests confirmed the link and the pair had an emotional reunion two weeks ago, the Mail reported.  (FoxNews.com/Daily Mail)